+Sara.Like.Whoa.+

Sat, 17 Jan 2004 07:29:03 GMT

I DIDNT WRITE THIS. BUT I LIKE IT SO MUCH. ITS STONERY FUN AND CUTENESS

Subj: fanfic
Date: 1/7/04 5:18:50 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Alwayzrm4jello
To: Alwayzrm4jello

I'm going to be late for school....
Title: D.A.R.E
Disclaimer: don’t know, don’t own, never happened, permission less.
Rating/pairing: NC-17 Matt/Tony … mmm…they’re 12 and 14. (I know it’s sick. Sorry.)
FYI: Stupid, high cousincest. We all know Matt expresses disapproval of marijuana in actuality, but I insist on making him a pot head, just to trick myself into believing he doesn’t really put bud down…. like we all know he does… that bastard… Oh well, it’s for the better. I smoke and produce such stories as the following. Try to enjoy kids. For KB, because I know she at least holds my appreciation for pot as well. Xxmareep.

***
We’re slumped against each other, sitting on my floor and we start to laugh again because the funniest thing is, Tony wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for DARE. Not DARE, as in someone dared him, but DARE as in, drug alcohol…er, - or maybe, drug awareness resistant education, yeah. Sorry, I’ve been out of the program for two years so I don’t remember any of it, plus I’m really high right now, which might add to the irony of the situation further.

But see, the funny thing is, I mean, everything is funny right now, but a really funny thing is, Tony had no interest in smoking pot until that police officer said that it was illegal but millions of people are thrown in jail for using it. It wasn’t that someone told him no so he had to do it, it was that he wanted to know what was so great about pot. It had to be good or you wouldn’t risk going to jail for it.

So yeah, two kids blazed out of their fucking minds, one who’s here because DARE taught him stuff about a drug he was never interested in, the other here because like fuck I remember anything that happened in that stupid class. I haven’t been this stoned in a long time, I mean, my eyes have weights on them and I’m even hallucinating a little, like nugs can make you do sometimes, you know? My whole body is slowed down and the muscles are twitching a little, blunt, drooling pleasure.

We can’t stop giggling like fucking maniacs. His head is against my shoulder and as soon as I manage to stop, he starts it back up again. The giggling, I mean. I’m thinking about things in a weird, choppy manner, because I’m completely fucked over right now, like, usually I have the ability to function on pot, but I know I can’t right now.

I’m thinking about how much changes between the time you’re twelve and the time your fourteen. I mean, you smoke pot, you start jerking off, you cuss a lot more, you get a better taste in music, sex is suddenly interesting….

The jerking off bit really gets to me and I fall over laughing so hard, Tony dropping down with me. I shift and stretch out on my back, him lying flush against me, cheek to my sternum.

“Ma--tty?” Tony half sings, half moans and I grunt a response, trying to get control of myself. I really can’t stop laughing and my eyes don’t want to open all the way. It feels better to close them, like, the light makes them ache and smart a little.

“I think, like, right now, I think I’m pretty high.” Tony says and we both burst out with another round of maniacal laughter because, what the fuck? of coarse he’s high right now, the kid is totally WHIPPED, ‘cos he smoked just as much as me and I’m still stoned as fuck, and I’ve done it loads of times before.

“My DARE officer says something horrible is gonna happen now- like- it always fucking works like this? Like, we get stoned and now we get a gun and kill each other.” He gets really serious and sits up to look me in the eyes. His are incredibly blood shot and I’m sure mine are too.

“Why the hell would you shoot me?!” I cry out, trying to scoot away from him but he’s on my legs.

“I wouldn’t! The marijuana would posses me and make me do it! Whooooo-hoooooo!!” He leans up to tickle my sides and we’re in hysterics again, wrestling around and in a general stoned kind of tickle fight. It’s a good thing my mom is working the late shift and my sister is spending the night with her stupid giggling friends or all the bumping around we’re doing would get them bitched off.

Suddenly, the thought that I hate Ashley’s friends ‘cos they giggle too much and me and Tony are in here in a state of psychopathic guffaws makes me laugh even harder and I can’t fight him off anymore. I just lay out beneath him and let him grow tired of it.

He does and he lays flush against me again, resting his forehead to mine. We’re staring at each other’s eyes because eyes look even cooler when you’re really blazed. Tony tires of that too and slumps his head back down to my chest. We’re both still panting, like we can’t get our breath back.

I really can’t remember the last time I was so stoned. Like, just fucking smashed. You know, when you still have this subconscious and it hits you that you couldn’t act normal if you had to? Yeah, like. I kinda want to stand up but I don’t have the coordination and I don’t honestly remember the last five minutes. My legs and arms are sort of twitching, just from way too much pot too fast and Tony starts laughing again because he feels me spasm a little.

“Dude, dude, you know those boxes they have… in fucking… Panama?” he says suddenly, sitting up. He’s straddling me. I nod.

“They’re like… filled with water?”

I start giggling. “What the fuck is you talking about?” My voice comes out high pitched.

He stops. “I… I don’t know.”

More laughing.

“No, no, wait, I was gonna tell you something…”

“Well what the fuck was you gonna say?” I ask him, trying really hard not to laugh.

“I… was fucking… something about pissing… no. Water. What? FUCK! FUCK YOU MATT!” he punches me in the side, starting another wrestling fight.

“See? See! This is where the gun comes in! You get pissed off and shoot me!” I wail out as he pins me down to the carpet.

“No, no! Make LOVE, not WAR!”

“You’re not making love you’re killing me!”

“What fucking g-… do you have a gun?”

“Why the fuck… no, why the fuck would I tell YOU I had one? You’re gonna… shoot me.”

“No! I was gonna make love!”

“Dude… What? Now?”

“I… Probably forget later…”

“You can make love to the gun.”

“I STILL DON’T GET WHAT FUCKING GUN?!” he screams at me, getting spit all over me.

“THE ONE YOU’RE GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH!!” I yell back.

“How do I… make love to a gun?”

“It’s like an oxymoron!”

“You’re an oxymoron.”

“No I’m a… victim.”

“Of?”

“You’re shooting rampage.”

“OoOoOoO! Like Elmer Fud!”

“If I had a…a lot of glue, I’d glue your ass cheeks together.” I say.

“My…? Yours!”

“Can I be the rabbit?”

“What rabbit?”

“In the cartoon. The gr- Bugs. Can I be Bugs?”

Tony’s silent for a moment, face contorting into concentration. “What? Dude… dude, no, that was… the little blue one? With the fucking pink one he fucked? Babs? Buster, dude, you’re thinking of Bugs. I mean, you’re thinking of Buster.”

“What? No! That’s that… fucking, rip off thing with the pissed off green duck, like, who was gay or something with that fucking, prissy pig thing? In the fucking suspenders or whatever, something?. No, I mean the adult ones. Elmer Fud wasn’t even in the little one.”

“No, he was! He was an… a teacher, remember? In the class room?”

“I never learned nothing in school I remember right now.”

“I learned pot wasn’t bad for you.”

That makes me stop and stare at him for a minute. “Dude, you know what the fuck you just said?”

“…no?”

“You said… something… about pot being NOT bad for you.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Dude, you so fucking DID!”

“I fucking…no.” he shakes his head. I poke him.

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.” I poke him again, jabbing my finger into his ribs repeatedly.

“No. NONONONONONONONONONONONO!” he leans his face down right next to mine, yelling ‘no’ over and over. Fast, while his face is mere inches from mine I pick my head up from the carpet and kiss him, trying to make him shut the bloody fuck up. I feel his grin and he’s still yelling into my mouth, ‘no’.

I’m not diffident about it like maybe I should be when I shove my tongue into his mouth, just to make him quiet, really. And it works, it shuts him up, and he’s not exactly pulling away, so I keep at it, kissing him, but with way more tongue then I’d usually use. I’m trying to make it sloppy and slobbery, trying to disgust him. It just… doesn’t seem to be working.

I actually have to push him off me when I get tired of it, and there’s drool literally dripping off my chin.

“What the fuck was that?” He demands, and I really can’t tell if he’s talking about the kissing or the pushing away.

“Eww! You’re like a puppy! You spit all over me!” I complain and Tony sits back, still straddling me like, with his hands braced flat on my sternum.

“You started it!” He smirks, back-handing my cheek softly.

“Well I didn’t think you was gonna spit all over me!”

“You STARTED it!” He insists. “I’d never kiss any bitch like that, bitch! That’d be gross!”

“It was and it is!” I’m wiping my mouth off, trying to mop up the drool, glaring at him.

“Hey, it’s supposed to be sex-ay!” He rubs his nipple and poses for emphasis and I shake my head.

“’S’Not sexy…it’s just slobbery!”

He leans close again and lavishes his tongue up the side of my face. I squeal and push him away, rubbing my cheek hard, damp with his salvia.

“That’s not sexy either! It’s fucking nasty! I don’t want your spit all over me! I need a fucking… towel. Ugh!”

He sits up and glares evilly with his blood shot eyes and flushed cheek.

“I am a good kisser Matt!”

“Fuck, right you are! Sure! If you’re into tonsillectomies executed by use of the human tongue!”

“What the fuck other kind of tongue would you use?” he wonders a loud.

“Well I feel like I just necked it with a Saint Bernard, so you tell me! I, however, am into more subtle making out.”

“We weren’t really making out though.” Tony points out. “We were annoying each other. And YOU’RE more annoyed so I fucking win, bitch!” he slaps me again.

“I’m not annoyed, I’m spit covered.”

“Just admit defeat.”

“Or what, you fucktart?”

“I’ll be forced to attempt another tonsillectomy with my Saint Bernard tongue.”

“I’ll bite it off.”

“Try it!”

“Dude,” I stop him by pressing my palm against his mouth as he lowers himself down for another kiss. He licks my hand but I just press harder and he raises his eyes to mine with a slightly annoyed expression. His eyes are so bloodshot right now and I fight the urge to laugh. “Dude, dude, this could be a huge fucking fuck up in our fucking relationship.” I say and Tony blinks.

“Mumdumfoomermooaamukingummm?” He demands and I shake my head.

“No, no! I’m serious! Don’t speak! Just let me hold you!” I throw both arms around his thin shoulders and squeeze him as hard as I can, hearing him gasp out as I’m crushing his ribs.

“Ma-att!” He gags, “Maaaa-attt, you’re killing me!” He wriggles, trying to free himself.

“Where’s the soap opera speech? Where’s the confession of undying love? Oh, fuck it, I’d expect YOU to screw up your one chance at happiness!”

Tony looks at me like I’ve finally lost my mind completely. “What the fu-“

“No! NO! Don’t speak! I’m sorry Tony, but I can’t live a lie! We need to come out to the public about our relationship! I can’t take the secrecy! I want the world to know how I feel about you! How WE FEEL! FEEE—EEEEL!”

“Dude, dude! If you don’t let me fucking BREATHE, I’m dumping you!”

“Dumping me? Dude, didn’t you… weren’t you paying attention? The soul mates thing? Dude, you CAN’T dump me. You’re stuck for life!”

“You so didn’t say anything about a fucking… about soul mates.” He shakes his head and I loosen my grip from around him.

“I didn’t? Oh… Well. Fine then. Dump me. You’ll never get a girl half as pretty as me.”

“You’re really not that pretty Matt…”

“WHAT?! FUCK YOU DUDE!” I tighten my arms around him again and hug him close, the top of my head against his chin.

“OKAY! Okay, fine, Matt, you’re pretty, just stop suffocating me!”

I let him go and lay back on the floor, batting my eyelashes up at him. “I’m gorgeous!” I declare with a wistful grin and Tony rolls his eyes but has the sense to nod.

“Oh yeah. Gorgeous. I’d do you in a minute.” He says it monotone and I glare.

“You’d never get me in bed. Fucking kid.”

Tony smirks. “Fuck right. You just said we were soul mates.”

“I was KIDDING. And anyway, I didn’t actually say anything about soul mates I just said I said something to make you confused. AND, soul mates don’t always have sex, right? ‘Cos half the people out there never find their soul mate.”

“But soul mates do fuck when they find each other.”

“You’re too fucking young to have fucked anything.”

“That’s what you say,” He sits back and leers like a tiger. In fact, he kinda reminds me of one of those white tigers, with the blinds cutting stripped shadows across his pale face.

My jaw drops and I sit up on my elbows. He’s still on my legs.

“Dude, what the hell?! Who’d you fuck?!”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“Hey, I’m your soul mate! I should know these things!”

He just smirks and looks really smug, condescending me. I get tired of it and fall back down on the carpet.

“You’re a fucking liar. I bet you’re not even finished puberty. Or fucking hit it.”

“WHAT?! I have so! I’m almost thirteen!”

“OoOoOoO! Big whoop! I bet you don’t even jerk off!”

“I do SO!”

“Yeah right! You’ve never even had a boner, huh?!”

“I bet you’ve never even gotten your hands under a girl’s shirt!”

“That’s not true!” And it’s not. I felt a girl up, earlier this year. Some chick at a party. The only problem was I was drunk and she was passed out, so it didn’t technically count. My friends said I had the making of a rapist… or at least a voyeur. That’s not true either.

“What ever Matt,” Tony rolls his eyes. “I bet I done more with girls then you.”

“Yeah right.” I’m almost fifteen and if he thinks he’s got anything on me, he’s crazy. I mean, if I’m sexually deprived, he can’t be much better off, right?

“Maybe YOU’RE the one that hasn’t finished slash started puberty!” He accuses and I shake my head at him.

“Dude, I have to fucking shave like da-…um, well, weekly. And, YOU still sound like a fucking chipmunk!”

“I DO NOT!”

“I DO NOT!” I mock him, speaking as high pitched as I can.

“You bastard… You’re the one that can’t get it up.”

“No way,” I shake my head. “I masturbate at least every night.”

“Well!! I’m not that desperate.”

“Aha, I have more libido then YOU!”

“Libido, fuck, right. Maybe you have more libido then me, but your teeny-tiny cock isn’t gonna come through with all the promises, huh?”

“What?”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

“Are you implying that your penis is larger then mine?”

“Yes. DEEPLY implying such. Because it is. And I’ve seen you naked, so you can’t LIE about THIS.” He reaches down and grabs my crotch and I push his hand away, annoyed.

“Dude, dude, no way. You’re cock is not bigger then mine. Nu-uh. Your HEAD is bigger then mine, but not your cock.”

“It IS. You know it is, so just fucking admit defeat!”

“You’re a fucking condescending bastard with a penis smaller then Napoleon’s.”

“Who was that?”

“A French guy.”

“A French…? Oh. Oh Matt,” his face is gravely serious. “that was just LOW, buddy. That was fucking LO—O-w!” he shakes his head slowly, somber, and I smirk at him, punching his side as he gets his fat ass off me finally.

“What are you gonna do about it bitch?!”

“Prove to you that my dick is bigger,” he shrugs.

“Eww! Like I wanna see that shit!”

“Oh grow the fuck up, Mr. I’m SO Much Older And More Mature Then YOU. This is for pride reasons.”

“What reasons?”

“Pride.”

“Oh.. Yeah. Um…” I watch him as he pulls his pants and boxers off, then looks at me expectantly. I blink and avoid looking at his cock. “But it’s bigger when it’s HARD,” I whine and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Fuck you, make it hard then.”

I roll my eyes back at him. “Like, what, I snap my fingers and all the pot’s just gonna transport from my body?”

“I bet I can get mine up,” He smirks. “Maybe yours is inferior to mine in more ways then one.”

“Fuck, right. You just don’t know how weed effects you yet.”

Tony doesn’t answer me, just starts jerking himself off. I’m watching him and he’s right- he CAN get it up when he’s stoned off his ass. That’s interesting. He’s biting his lip and jacking off the head of his cock, closing his eyes briefly.

“Is an orgasm better if you’re high?” He asks and I shake my head to clear it, not as an answer.

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it before.”

“Well think about it! You’re supposed to be the older one here!”

“So?” I sit myself up and start to undo my pants, getting my fingers all tangled up because my vision is sort of wavy and uneven and my movements are just as distorted and inconsistent.

“You’re supposed to know everything!” Tony leans back, one hand still trailing his erection, watching me.

“How… fucking…flattering. I- Damnit, I can’t get my pants off!”

“Jesus Christ Matt, you’re useless.” He crawls over on his knees and grabs my hips, pulling me closer as he slides his hands around and undoes the button and zipper on my pants. “Was that so hard?” he snaps, looking up at me as he grabs the top of my boxers and pulls at them.

“No… I… hold on,” I pull back and sit up on my knees, pushing my jeans and boxers down my thighs and falling back on my bare ass to get the garments the rest of the way off my legs. “Help me out here!” I cry out, annoyed.

Tony rolls his eyes and grabs the legs of my jeans, pulling them off and I let myself fall back on the carpet, closing my eyes. They’re sore and smarting; too much pot.

“Anything else you want me to do, O Great Master?” Tony growls.

“What were we doing again?”

“Comparing penis sizes.”

“Oh yeah.” I sit up and tug at my cock a few times. “I think its got stage fright.”

Tony blinks. “Your cock has stage fright?”

“Well! You didn’t have to put so much pressure on it!”

“Shouldn’t it be a him?”

“What?”

“’Stead of an ‘it’, you know?”

I have to think about it for a minute. “No,” I shake my head. “What? No- no, ‘cos, like, animals are called ‘it’s no matter the sex, right?”

“Whatever. I think I’ve proven my point anyway.” He looks at my dick with his eyebrows raised and I glower.

“I told you it’s- he’s- whatever. Bigger when hard. I told you.”

“Make the damn thing hard, Matt, c’mon!”

“I have trouble doing that when I’m stoned!”

“For fuck’s sake… Fine! I’ll do it for you!” He sits between my legs and grabs my cock with one hand, starting to forcefully stroke me off.

I squirm around. “You’re not doing it right!” I admonish, annoyed.

“Doing it right? Dude, as long as you get hard, why does it matter?”

I scowl, not caring if my body likes his actions or not- he’s not jerking me off like I jerk myself off. I’m picky.

I sit up and reach for his hard-on, twisting my wrist and closing my fingers around the thickness.

“I like it more like this,” I tell him, showing him how.

He bites his lip and scoots closer, keeping his own pace up. “Well I like it like this! And my way is working fine!”

I glare, even as the muscles in my lower abdomen tense and flutter, my cock successfully hard and aching, and heat making my scalp tingle.

“So? My way’s working too!” I point out, feeling his cock pulse in my fingers and precum making his skin sticky.

He replies by twisting his fingers right behind the head of my cock, pressing hard against the glands, an action that hurts almost as much as it feels good. I moan and lean my other hand around, grabbing his balls and squeezing softly while picking up the pace of my other hand. His face screws up and he hisses, bucking his hips forward against me, and I don’t know if he did it, or it was more of an impulse thing.

“Shit, Matt…” he cusses and leans even closer, resting his chin to my shoulder as I forcefully stroke him off, playing with his balls in the other hand. I’m not thinking about what’s going on- I’m too fucking stoned, and, besides, I’ve known Tony forever. This isn’t something that’s going to be a big deal after it’s over. And this is really turning me on. I’m wanting to cum. I’m on my knees and he’s being really rough with my cock, his fingers trembling and he’s moaning a little in my ear.

I realize I’m moaning too, and I lean up, biting down on a mouthful of his t-shirt, screwing my eyes shut. My muscles are straining and fluttering, pin pricks running over me. I’m getting sweaty, at the base of my spine and behind my ears. I’m so close to an orgasm and I’m gasping for air, wondering if it DOES feel better when you’re high. I didn’t admit it to Tony, but I’ve never bothered to test the theory.

Just when I’m almost on the edge, Tony stops, yanking back, pushing my hand off him. He’s panting, moaning, his body shaking.

“Damnit!” I cuss, because I’d been so close. My balls are aching.

“Damnit is right! You almost made me fucking cum!” He snaps, hugging himself. He’s really shaking hard, still making soft, muffled noises.

“SO?!” I yell, experiencing a few extremely pleasurable full body shivers. This is half from the pot, half from being so turned on.

“Fuck you Matt, you can’t trick me! This is for penis comparison! We can’t cum.” He reminds me and I groan out, reaching for him. He doesn’t protest and I pull him atop me as I lay back on the floor. I can feel his erection against my lower abdomen as he lays flush against me. I’m thinking our shirts are in the way, and I really wanna take them off, but for some reason the request seems too embarrassing for me to ask for it.

“Take your shirt off.” Tony says, sitting up and pushing at his own. It surprises me, especially since it was just what I wanted.

I start to pry it off with difficulty, as Tony gets his off and tosses it aside before leaning back down and helping me out.

“What does this have to do with penis comparison?” I moan out as he rolls his hips up against mine. It feels good- it feels really good. I’ve never dry humped any living thing before, and it’s just so amazing because he’s sweaty and hot, slightly defined, at least for a twelve year old, and he’s moving against me, moaning and flexing his jaw.

“I don’t know, but I could probably think of something if I thought about it for long enough,” he says, his face screwed up in pleasure as I push my hips up into his. “This feels too good, you know?”

“Fuck, yeah, I… Yeah. Yes.”

I move my arms around his thin, warm body cautiously, running my palms down the contours of his spine. Our faces are close, both of us panting and Tony licks his lips and leans even closer, our noses touching.

“Matt I…” he’s about to say something but he stops himself and just smiles. “You know, I’ll tell you later,” he says and he rests his lips against mine lightly. He’s between my legs, really dry humping me now. I push my tongue against his, and neither one of us are any good at this kissing thing, because it’s just as sloppy as it was before only I don’t really care this time.

He reaches his hands down between us and grabs our cocks, rubbing them together. It makes me squirm and moan into his mouth and he’s sucking my tongue into my mouth, an action that feels pretty good, too. He’s too rough for me, honestly, but since I’ve never been with anyone else, I don’t guess I have anything to compare him too.

“Maybe you…are bigger,” he pants, pulling back. He might be staring at me, but I wouldn’t know. My eyes are closed and I throw my head back, moaning pathetically. “You ever gotten a blow job?” he asks. I just shake my head, neck still arched back. “Me neither.” And he pulls back fast, sliding himself down my body and moving his lips around my hard on.

It’s sloppy and he keeps getting his teeth involoved, but that doesn’t stop it from feeling good. I hold his head against my lap and try to fuck his face, making him gag, but I don’t care. I’m right there. I need to cum. My cock is throbbing and my balls are aching, and all my muscles are so tight, I can hardly breathe.

I yank back and jerk myself off hard, finally cumming. Perfection, and a feeling of falling, and my muscles are locked. The pressure is easing up and I get cum all over my stomach but I don’t care. Tony pulls away, having no interest in tasting my cum. He sits back on his knees and tugs at his cock, watching me as I lay there trembling and shuddering.

“Holy shit that felt good,” I mumble, rubbing my fingers through my hair.

“damnit, Matt. Damnit, I wanna cum!” Tony yells, and I sit up with difficulty. He’s jacking himself off hard and fast, his face screwed up, shoulders forward and hips raising up against his palm.

I take a deep breath, feeling like I’m gonna need it before leaning over and grabbing his wrist. He cries out in frustration, tossing his head back and I lean down fast, closing my eyes. I’ve got to wrap my fist around the base of his throbbing member, guiding it into my mouth.

I’m more careful then Tony, making sure he doesn’t feel any teeth, and I’m mostly sucking on the head and jerking the rest off because I don’t know if I can get all of that into my mouth without gagging.

Tony’s making weird, huffing noises, moaning and gasping. He presses down hard on the back of my head and I let him buck his hips against my face a few times, swallowing each time, and that keeps me from choking. He pulls on my hair really hard, jerking my face to the side and I keep my fist around him. His own hand closes over mine and we jerk him off. He yells and lets out a loud gasp of air, and I feel his cum dripping along my fingers as he finishes off. He keeps shaking, panting for air with his head down and eyes closed.

He looks at me slowly, his jaw dropped as he gasps for air, his eyes wide. “Whoa.” Is all he says and I get the idea. That’s the best part about Tony and me- we’re so connected.

I feel myself grin at him and he smirks back, reaching for his t-shirt.

“Aw man, I gotta pee now!” I say, jumping up from the floor. I’m naked but I don’t care since it’s just Tony.

I turn around and he hits my bare ass with his t-shirt, like when you roll up towels to hit people? Like that, and it really fucking hurts.

“Dude!” I yell, spinning around and rubbing where he hit.

He just flashes me a brilliant smile and shrugs, innocent like.

I point at him. “May your nuts rot off. I smite thee.”

He shakes his head. “What are you, God?”

“No! My ass is sore! Do you think God would run around with a sore ass?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Go pee, Matthew.”

I shake my head, starting for the door. “Really, what kind of god would walk around with their butt all sore and shit? If they’re God, it’s just, POOF! And they feel no more ass pain…”

“Hey, Matty,”

I stop, hand on the door-knob and glance over my shoulder at him. He’s pulling his boxers on, his shirt already on again.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for smoking me out.”

“Anytime.”

Fin.

hawtness.

Gone Without A Goodbye

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 17:14:05 GMT

The rain hit the windshield hard, making quiet thuds and smacks. The hot summer day made for a muggy rainy night. I wait for you to join me in the car again. Theres things I need to talk with you about. Things that have been eating away at my heart. I need to tell you that I love you.
That I love you, always need you, and want to keep you for always. You are my best friend, lover, and famiglia- But something's changed in your heart. You aren't the Anthony I knew. You've become this alternative personality that I cant stand to be with any longer. I contemplate in my head how to word this Tony I love you, but you hurt me all the fucking time. We hurt eachother too much.You're a fucking prick sometimes and its been utterly disgusting to be around you lately.That just wouldn't work for me. I can't tell you that. With one look into your blue eyes,the eyes that hold my fucking soul in their icy blue clutch,I just know I would be ripping my own heart out.

"Matt. Fuck dude, watch the road, stupid-ass."
I breath in these words. Let them hurt, but it doesnt matter because you know just how much I love you. I stay quiet and watch the road.

"..Matt? ..Matt dude, I was only kidding.."
Aw. My sweet baby cousin actually found something nice to say. To what do I owe the honor, motherfucker?

We drive off. The car is predominatly silent, only the sounds of the rain and slight hail hitting the window.
"Whats your problem?" Your voice breaks the silence again. "Nothing." Nothing's ever wrong with me. Nope. Im always just fucking fine, arent I, Tony?
"You fuckin pussy, just tell me." You always were the impatient one. You get that from your mother.

"YOU. You're my goddamn problem, Tony!" I didnt mean to spit it that loudly. Or as harsh, but I keep talking. Maybe you'll listen for once.
"You little fuck, all you do is fucking break me down. Not just me, EVERYONE. In your mind, its 'Im Anthony Lovato, bow down and suck my motherfucking cock!'"

You stare at me blankly. You just know Im right.
I wish you wouldnt look at me like a child, trying to seem innocent and all around confused.
"Dont look at me like that!" I feel like a prick yelling at you, but I kno it's the only way.
"Dont fucking scream at me you stupid cunt! What the fuck are you talking about, Matt?"
"I mean you could treat your friends, your own fucking family, the people that still give a cunting fuck about you just a little fucking better than you do now!" My voice is at its full volume now. Great. The perfect opportunity to confess how I feel about you and let it be known, and I couldn't do it.
Your face gets that sarcastic scowl you always have right before you spit something out "Well Matt, Im really fucking sorry. Im sorry Im not perfect like your precious Jere, and Im not kind and considerate like YOU Matt!" Our voices are ringing in my head, getting louder and louder. "I FUCKING HATE YOU, ANTHONY." By far the stupidest thing I've ever said.
Something happens with your face. Something seldom seen. Your crystal blue eyes become glossed over with tears. You're pissed and hurt at the same time. Definatly not a good mix for you. I try again.
"Im- Im sorry Tony. I didnt mean that AT ALL and you know that. I just....fuck, I just want to know what changed you." My voice cracks just barely above a whisper.
"I dont know." You shrug and continue in the same pissy tone. "Maybe just things I've seen and been through. Maybe just the way I've been treated-" I cut you off immediatly.
"Thats BULLSHIT Tony and you know it! Nobody's EVER mistreated you in your entire fucking life!"
"You know what Matt, why dont you do the world a favor and fucking di-"
The sound of screeching tires, 'WATCH OUT!', and metal upon metal filled my ears. and then:

Total blackness.

I wake up outside my car, shattered glass and car parts scattered all around. Blood mixed with rain spills down my forhead. My body feels weak and there are sharp pains shooting down my back like acidic bullets. My lip is cut and swollen and I feel nauseous and dizzy.I stagger to my feet and try to gain just a small amount of balance. Just enough to find you. I turn around and see glass and metal everywhere. My smashed up car is smoking and completely imploded from the front hood ,onward.
"Tony?" I wait, but I hear nothing. Only rain.
"Tony, where are you, it's not funny."
I walk around the front of the car, stepping over the front bumper and pushing a tire out of my way. I see you laying on the road, laying in a puddle of your own blood. I run over to you, throwing myself, knee-first onto the ground. I pull you onto my lap. Your wet blonde hair had fallen into your face. I smoothe it away. Your eyes are opened and glazed. You're gasping for air and coughing up blood. You're completely incoherant. Your blood cascaded down your face in delicate and thick lines. I rub my hand along your cheek pushing the crismon liquid through your hair.

"Tony! Fuck, get up!" I scream at your lifeless form.
"Fuck no, Fuck no!!" Im in panic.You can't die on me Tony, you just fucking can't. You cant die.
How am I going to tell your mother whats happened to her baby? How am I going to tell Brandon that his uncle's dead? How am I going to tell everyone else? How am I ever going to tell you I love you?
I press my bleeding, swollen lips to yours. The taste of your blood now on my own lips. I slowly rock you back and forth, wrapping my arms tightly around you, almost singing, "please Tony don't leave. please don't leave me.." Your breath is getting louder as your crushed lungs struggle to let you breathe. Tears pour from my eyes. All I want is to tell you I love you. All I want is your suffering to end. My heart is breaking at the very sight of you.

The ambulance pulls up beside me. Two medics lift you up into the stretcher and take you away from my arms. Another medic lays me down and checks on me while a cop starts asking me questions. Why the FUCK are they asking me questions? You're in a fucking ambulance, you cant breathe, I cant stop fucking crying, and this twat-bag whats to know what time it was when we started driving. I cant fucking take this. I cry harder and start hyperventilating. I sit up on the curb, head in hands and let the cold rain pour down upon me. A medic grabs my arm and helps me into the ambulance. I fall beside you and hold your hand which is now paler, cold, but just as soft as it always was.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, you were announced "D.O.A". There was absolutly nothing that could have saved your life. I ask to see you one last time. I walk shakily down the hall to your room and stand next to the bed where you now were laying. Your face had lost almost all its color, your lips still red and eyes still a penetrating, clear blue.

"Tony.." ,I start. I slip my hand into yours and try to find my words. "Tony. I love you. I love you so much and I always have. You're my best friend, and the only person I ever fucking had. I dont want to say goodbye, but now, it looks like I have to." I kiss you one last time, detatching our hands and walking towards the door. I turn and look at you one last time, "I love you, Anthony." Your mother's in the waiting room. She's going to miss you. Living without you is going to tear me apart.

When I get home, I'm going to do something for you. Anything to see you again. Take any number of pills, make any number of slashes- Anything.
Just out of my love for you. So we can be together forever.

I love you, Anthony Lovato.

[.end.]

Chapter One. "why do i stay?"

Sat, 29 Nov 2003 19:58:44 GMT

(Pairing: Benji and Tony) disclaimer: woopty doo, someones a retard if they think any of this is real.
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I pace. I pace alot. Where is he? Arrested? Absolutly possible. Anything's possible with a boyfriend like mine. But my heart reacts faster than my mind, so I stay with him. Night after night, he fall through the front door,babbling incoherant nothings to the cab driver or half sober stranger that drove him home. He clings to my bicepts for balance before lurching all his weight forward to run down the hallway to the bathroom. His already breaking frame infront of the toilet and he empties his insides. I kneel beside him, rubbing his back or holing his hand until the sickness passes. Tears from force spring to his eyes and trickle down his flawless cheeks. He coughs and lays his head against my chest. He's weak from exsaustion, and shaking from he force of purging. I pick him up and walk him down the hall to our room. He lays down, holding his head, which is burning with a headache. His face is sheened with sweat, and his hair sticks up in all directions. He lays his head down, and closes his blue and blood-shot eyes. I stay awake and sacrafice sleep for the sake of making sure he's alright. If he wakes up sick again, I need to clean up after him. Most people would grow tired and frustrated with this, but like I said. Sometimes,love is just too strong, and you stay no matter what the toll on you is.
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If i get some comments, there shall be more!

Attempt at a fanfiction #1.

Sun, 23 Nov 2003 05:21:14 GMT

I cant sleep and for some reason im painfully depressed right now lol. -shrug-i dont know either.

Disclaimer: You're a fucking retard if you think any of this really happened. Thanks to Rachel for picking the characters =)

A Letter Of Pain, With Words of Blood, For You.

Another slit,
another tear,
another wish that you were here.
The pain you caused,
I could have ripped you apart.
But now Im without you,
and it's breaking my heart.
You were my angel, you were my nightmare.
You were everything I loved,
You were everything I feared.
Where are you tonight?
cause you're not here with me.
But maybe if you were,
I would still be,
Alive...

I set my pen down, leaving my note on the old black desk that sat in the corner of my room. My room was like whats inside me now. Empty. Cold. And dark. There's nothing left inside anymore.
I stood up from the rickety stool I was seated on, and proceeded to the bathroom. Almost immediatly I tore apart the cabinets and found what beauty I was seeking. The breath-taking demon of silver. I clutch it in my hand and slip back into my room. My weak, broken frame falls to the floor and I support my back against the wall.
I look at my cure, gently caressing it with my fingers. Lovingly touching it, just like I used to touch you. Before you left. Before you started to hit me. Hate me. Leave me. Break me down and rip out everything that was inside me, leaving me a hollow frame of sorrow and longing.
I press it gently to my flacid, porceline wrist. I swallow hard, praying for the courage to press down. You hurt me for the last time, my darling.
I hear my skin ripping beneath the razor's kisses. Almost like its crying out to me to stop. I pretend not to hear its cries, and cut deeper and faster until Im blindly slashing anything I see. I dont feel it. Not because Im used to it, but because you've taken my feeling away. Im numb to this world. Because of you.
A beautiful stream of crimson is pouring from my arm. Im so weak now I cant even lift my arms. I lie on my side and let burning tears roll down my cheeks. The cheeks you used to kiss before we fell asleep in eachother's arms. You'd whisper sweet nothings to me, ending in "I love you Joel..". That euphoria is no more. The only kisses I get from you are with your fist. I no longer taste your lips in my mouth. I taste my own blood after your fist, or a glass, or even the wall shares a passionate kiss with my mouth.

The arms of death now cradle my body, wrapping me in a warm, conforting embrace. "I love you too.."
I whisper, as I hear the front door open down stairs.
Maybe you'll see what you've done.
I cant hold on anymore. So I let go.

Goodbye,Tony.

Like violence, you have me. Forever and after.
Like violence, You kill me. Forever and after.

Booyah. My first fanfic that I let people see. =)
GO SARAHO.

uber awsome entry.

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 22:02:45 GMT

Ya know what. screw this. actually, im making this my fanfiction journal. This is where im going to post my uber sick and twisted fanfictions for all to read! go sara. its your birthday. and the occasional bitchings every now and then. ::spazzes cuz Jere isnt online:: DAMMIT BOY! WHERE ARE YOU?!
woot. i dont know. this journal is a work in progress and ill most likely end up deleting it.
-nod- YAAAAY!

Im working on a fanfic right now, so ill post it when its done. woot!

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 05:01:40 GMT

Goodie! my first real update.
Basically, i made this journal cuz theres just alot of shit i have to bitch about that i know a few people wouldnt understand if they read on my other journal (twisted_angel71).

my moms being a bitch today and is kicking me offline cuz she hates my little punk-ass.

I'll have an uber awsome update tomorrow. <3

--Sara